March 10, 2013

Help me, Mr. Wizard!

Ancient times conjured magic, later demystified by our modern day explanations with science. Solar eclipses in China were thought to be a celestial dragon devouring the sun,* Sodom and Gomorrah's fire and sulfur ~ natural bitumen deposits and an unstable fault line.­■  But the debate over pheromones continues. "Compelling" evidence exists through various scientifically controlled studies♥, that the human odors we exude may affect our romance.

                                                                 

                                              Image result for pheromone sniffers


The snake oil salesmen would like us to think so. They tout their synthetic pheromone love potions to produce the same response in YOU as a sow in heat, frozen in motion, at the whiff of her boar's pheromone loaded breath! ☻


                                                  Image result for kissing pigs

I like to believe there are reasons for why and how I behave. My brothers and I were myth busters before we were in school.  We borrowed Grandmother's paring knife and cutting board to open the Magic Mexican Jumping Beans purchased for us at the Jewel on the 6100 block of Archer Avenue in Chicago.

                                  We found and released into her 'shrubbery' ♣ : worms.

So it was long after I ended a relationship, I found myself still attracted to a particular cologne, Drakkar Noir. From a Behaviorist Perspective, this may have been due to a stimuli and response based behavior, as illustrated by the Skinner box. (get the cheese)




                                              Image result for skinner box


or was it Classic Conditioning? {ring a bell and i'll salivate}


Image result for classical conditioning


It was not an Oedipus complex, my father wore Old Spice. [so does my husband, weird]


Image result for fabio an old spice

Whatever the cause, IT NEEDED TO STOP.  I was buying samplers, dabbing wrist and neck. All along thinking of the hundreds of dollars {of mine} this loser skipped off with.  Time to apply scientific theory.  
STAND BACK, I'M ABOUT TO TRY SCIENCE! 

An epiphany came to me in the form of a musty vacuum cleaner bag.  I had generally used a dab of lavender oil, sucked up into the hepa-filtered compartment, to leave the room in herbal scented bliss, after a thorough cleaning.  I was out of lavender oil! The only strong scent on hand:  the Drakkar Noir. 

On the quarter sheet of tp it went. Doused and violently hurled into the vortex of Kirby cleaning strength, an incidental treatment of Aversion Therapy began!

Image result for woman vacuuming with kirby

  The room became filled with the heavy scent of Drakkar Noir, residual house dust and dog hair. 
It swirled in the too hot room with the noise and clumsy heaviness of housework. Moving chairs and coffee tables became a breeze thinking about my cash, having been spent on another woman in another country. The sofa slid out and was slammed again into the wall at the thought of having paid his cell phone bill for months. The vacuum hose sucked in the filth as he had sucked me dry of my finances, all because of his pheromones and THIS stupid cologne!

 Suddenly, my home was Kirby clean, my mind and heart purged of anger and frustration. I no longer enjoyed the scent of Drakkar Noir.  It is now only used to freshen the vacuum bag.  It is exclusively used for a machine that sucks everything clean, and I, control that machine.  I control myself, my emotions, and behavior, {well, i try to} thanks to knowledge, credit to Science, {not magic} and a vacuum hose.



                                                 Image result for zen pic of clean house


Sources cited:

*Solar Eclipses in History and Mythology
Is there a scientific explanation for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah?
Pheromones in Humans: Myth or Reality?
Sexual Magnetism: Pheromones - The Scent Of Sex
♣ The Knights who say Ni

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