On October 14, 2012, Austrian skydiver, Felix Baumgartner, jumped from outer space. He traveled 24 miles at Mach 1.25 speed (843.6 mph), and landed safely on earth. That smile seen worldwide, behind his helmet dome, was one that triumphs human spirit, with achievement of life goals.
He stands here above, on his own two feet, after an episode
of spinning out of control.
'In that situation, when you
spin around, it's like hell and you don't know if you can get out of that spin
or not,' he said.
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Yet, he did! News commentators
noted small angle changes his body was making to counter that spin, to regain
control. The collective heart of the
world skipped a beat; we held our breath, as this skilled skydiver piloted his
body to the safety of our atmosphere and solid ground.
What did Mr. Baumgartner have at his side to help him
counter that ‘death spin’? What was he
able to manipulate or change to redirect his course, to save his life? What did he consistently have control of
throughout the experience?
The answers to these questions could be lifesaving to yourself
or a loved one if you ever found yourself: ‘spinning out of control’.
Let me preface these words with the assurance, that I am not
a professional, in any advising capacity, but I have faced the earth, and all it
holds, at what seemed to be a Mach 1.25 speed of spinning decent. The same questions could have been applied to
me. What did I have at my side to
counter a ‘death spin’? What was I able
to manipulate or change to redirect a course, to save my life? What did I consistently have control of
throughout the experience?
A wedding day, or relationship entwined, may be followed by
the constricting slow changes of an abusive mate. Unfortunately, this type of connection is not
limited to the heterosexual home life. Many LBGT couples have encountered the
same dangerous outcomes of abusive behaviors.
Regardless of who is being faced with this threat, what does one do,
mirroring Mr. Baumgartner’s expertise, to stop the ‘death spin’?
First let’s answer the last question.
What does one consistently have control of throughout the
experience?
The answer was given to me by my Yoga instructor, Nick Montoya,
creator of Ageless Yoga:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6hBIE7QCHs
( Nick Montoya’s story)
your breath
It is yours to hold, take in deep, blow out a candle or make
a sea sound. It is a center, a core strengthener,
a spine solidifier as you stand up, a little taller. Many times in the plummet of an overly
controlling and abusive relationship, your breath may be all you have. Abusive mates in their cycle of abuse, will
keep you, (they feel), powerless by restricting possessions or contacts, and
then spin you with honeymoon attention.
My breath was all I had at times when a yelling, spitting in
my face scream owned all I knew, and cut off those I loved. Or, so I thought. In a downward spin, it is hard to take the
time to access direction, for it feels as if you have none.
What you do not have is: control over another person. You cannot change them. You can only change yourself. Do not waste precious breath trying to argue a won point. You will need your
breath. Breathe it in deeper for strength, the strength you will need to get
out of this ‘death spin’.
Here is where we go to the second question.
What do I have at my side to counter a ‘death spin’? What did Felix Baumgartner have?
Did a big screen TV help him, a bank account? How about a
brand new car? Things do not help you
when you are trying to re-enter atmosphere, your will does. Your iron clad will, your stainless steel
sense to survive. It’s genetic. It’s a code in each cell. Hold your breath and see. You use your first tool, your breath, to
paddle your will to survive. If it is held long enough, you will gulp more of
that lifesaving substance deep. You have
an inherent, built in survival mode. Do
not let depression, or the numbing qualities of substance abuse, slow that
down. Take in the free air no abusive
mate can control. Let your will, even if
you are spinning head over heels, fill you. Make each cell and their orbiting
electrons inside you, strong. You can
redirect. You can apply the life skills
you have, not a big screen TV or new car, as wing flaps. These wing flaps control and help land large
jetliners. Push a mental metal button
in your mind. Release your wing flaps. Maybe
a set released just under each elbow, and at the side of your knees,
redirecting you, stopping the spin.
Take in a deep breath, and engage your stainless steel will. Your own atomic centered orbit can be like a gyroscope.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cquvA_IpEsA the gyroscope)
Remember the gyroscope?
We all played with one as a child, or in grade school science class.
Without your breath and activated atomic will, you will topple like an inert
child’s toy. But if you energize, pull
away the string of life’s entanglements, the new strength you see, may even surprise
yourself. You will seem to defy gravity, the heaviness of your situation, as
you can now logically begin to plan a way out that seems clear. Your force will
raise you up to see solutions, you may have overlooked before. Do not tire.
Keep pulling away the string of entanglement. Breathe, though all you may own be lost or
torn away, your breath is still your own. Your will is yours to shine. Strengthen your steel spine as you define
your downward decent, re-angling mindsets, exploring life options, to stop the ‘death
spin’. Your possessions are not the
focus. You cannot save your life or that
of children, by grabbing a hold of a TV. The precise changes you need to make
will not allow such burdens. Save
yourself first. Your life is more
valuable than things. Things will come
later, when you are free and away from the abuse, in a new home, once you have
landed on your feet. Then smiles will
congratulate you, and your bravery.
Mr. Baumgartner also had a well-trained team talking him
through tough times.
Create your team too.
Create your team too.
Choose team members you can trust, with your life. You are in a ‘death spin’. Create your network. Keep your earpiece communication lines open
with honesty. Don’t lie or cover up
malfunctions. Your team members need to
know what exactly what your situation is. Felix Baumgartner spoke to his team before he
left the safety of a balloon capsule, 34 miles above the earth. He spoke honestly. It was Air Force Captain Joe Kittinger’s calm
voice that gave Felix his life reminding instructions as he prepared to jump.
Let your team members have this clearance too. Let them guide you to safety, away from
abuse, towards a safe home, maybe even to further education and a better
employment opportunity for yourself, and your children. Though you may know which tube is for oxygen,
patiently listen to each of your team member’s instructions, follow
through. When you are in an abusive
situation, you are not thinking clearly. It’s as if you are miles away from the rest
of humanity, trying to solve it all with less oxygen. Trust your hand-picked team.
Utilize your resources.
Felix Baumgartner had the Red Bull Stratos Team expertise at his
command.
Build your resources too. One amazing resource I remember using is a
book by
Ginny NiCarthy~Getting Free
Ginny NiCarthy~Getting Free
Ginny NiCarthy's work is, as described in the first comment under the book’s post, almost a ‘bible’ of reference, without the ‘psycho-babble’. It can be used as a common sense, safe way to heal from domestic abuse, & GET OUT!
Get the book! Write
in it as she encourages, and feel your will strengthen. This book is Red Bull Stratos strong for your
downward spin. It will teach you: the angles you need to adjust in your life,
the compensation for the abuse you are enduring, your need to resist your mate and
define your every movement, to stop the head over heels feeling, and the loss
of life’s control. You can do it! Many of us have, and we wish the same solid,
on the ground feeling, for you. Unlike
my lack of professional input, Ms. NiCarthy has countless credentials to help
you counter your spin. Make her part of
your Stratos Team!
There is only one question left.
What was Felix Baumgartner able to manipulate or change to
redirect his course, to save his life? What
are you able to change or redirect?
The answer is: only yourself.
Mr. Baumgartner was not able at the downward decent speed of
843.6 mph change someone’s opinion of himself, nor should that have been even a
fleeting concern. His focus was on his
body’s movements, his choices of direction to ensure a safe landing, to walk
again free, with oxygen, on the earth.
Your choices should be the same. In the downward ‘death spin’, you do not have
the option to worry about what others think of you. Remember the consult of your hand-picked team
members, your resources of life experience, and follow your focus, your plan to
safety. Many may think as they will of
you. That is their right. It is your
right too, to follow a course you feel best, countering an abusive mate’s flux,
that has altered life’s balance, and regain solid footing again. Despite the tongue wagging you may hear along
the way, think of the words as clouds, some are beautiful, others-not so much.
But clouds nonetheless, and not harmful. (without lightning, anyway!) They are
fluffy side notes as you engage your parachute, following new commands, to
control your life, you may have never used.
Pull that rip cord! Soon a huge chasm will separate you and your abusive
mate. It will seem as if you left them
miles away in the outer stratosphere. Now, negativity is drifting off alone. Off to
support the dark places it creates, like black holes in it's supporters wounded hearts
and minds.
You though, are able to feel sunshine and the love of your
team members, ready to congratulate you for such a brave and mind boggling life
achievement! You've torn yourself from
the known but painful, and stepped into the unknown, but soon to be safe. The spin will stop shortly. You will stand, and not believe your strength
and strong spine. A dear friend once
told me the chasm is deep, but it is only, one step across. Take the step!
Take it like Felix Baumgartner did on October
14, 2012. Your date will be historic too!
The day you walked off that tiny ledge of the known, to find your
freedom again in the unknown. Your freedom from abuse will soon be history. We will smile,
with proud tear filled eyes, as you beam back behind your helmet dome, and then
raise it to breathe. The breath you now
and will always control.
You will add to
that list of things you control. Soon it
will be: where you live, who you call on
the phone, how to spend your money, and with whom you wish to spend time. There may be new freedoms like: how you wish to style your hair, clothes you choose to wear, a kind new loving
way to be intimate and share.
All will
be restored, and healed with your electron strong core will. Direction will be given through hand-picked
team advisors. These will be the tools
at your side, your wing flaps to guide you and make you stronger.
Don’t be surprised as you seem to become
larger than life strong, that you will meet with resistance from your abusive
mate. This point in your decent can be critically
dangerous. Utilize your team members for
safety.
Mr. Baumgartner knew he only had
10 minutes of Oxygen.
He said: ” you
cannot think and come up with decisions while you freefall. It’s just too fast
and too overwhelming.”
Seek out professionals and law enforcement to help guide
your way. Your safety is of the utmost
importance. Don’t worry about a car or a
big screen TV. It will not help guide
you out of a ‘death spin’.
Here is part of the common sense- pre-jump -check list I
remember, and have used from Ginny NiCarthy’s book, Getting Free.
Keep your car keys and phone with you, even when you sleep.
Keep extra clothes, medication, and personal care items for
yourself and children, packed in your car.
This includes extra work clothes.
Start a secret bank account in your name only.
Save money when you can, (vinegar and water instead of Windex),
and bank your extra cash.
Start attending classes to better yourself and income possibilities. Choose short term certificate programs that
ensure employment availability. The
medical field is great. Hospitals are
open 24/7.
Get a job with tuition reimbursement, to keep your career
growing stronger with further education.
Watch what is going on around you. If you feel your cycle of abuse is turning
quickly to one that is violent, GET OUT!
Make an excuse, like going for milk and leave!
Your life is more important than possessions. Do not stay in an abusive relationship, or go
back to one for your stuff. Things can
be recovered. Family mementos are not as
important as your life. An abusive mate
may target these things, by being destructive, to control and keep you.
Share your story.
Tell others what is happening in your life. Do not live a secret life of abuse. Add trusted advisors to your team. Let them know where you are at all
times.
Utilize law enforcement when needed. Many a person has died, (while a police officer
sat in a squad car outside), trying to ‘get their stuff’ from the home of an abusive
mate. Make them do their job and go in
with you! Protect yourself! ~see
heartbreaking examples in: Next Time She’ll Be Dead by Ann
Jones http://www.annjonesonline.com/NextTime.html
Obtain an order of protection.
Utilize security officers at work, informing them of your
order of protection.
Join abuse survivor support groups. Attend the meetings. Create change/maintain boundaries.
Remember you are in a ‘death spin’. Take
care not to take on someone else’s too!
Watch your surroundings, when you are walking to your car or
driving in traffic. Call 911
immediately, even if you are unsure of your safety.
Keep all your important documents with you, or with a
trusted team member. Don’t go back into
an abusive or life threatening situation for a birth certificate or social
security card. Documents can be
replaced. Your life cannot.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes. This is the first time you are leaving an
abusive relationship. You may not do everything
according to the book, but your team members will help ensure: you get out
alive.
Allow yourself to feel sad for the loss of the
relationship. Many a person has stopped
the lifesaving process when fed the fumes of guilt or shame. Don’t succumb to heart strings being pulled
by a mate, or the shame a family may impose for divorce or separation. If reconciliation is a possibility, it can
happen after you are safe, and have landed solidly on the ground, after
surviving a ‘death spin’. If not, then
move on.
Remember YOUR Bill of Rights:
BILL OF RIGHTS
· You have the right to be you.
· You have the right to put yourself first.
· You have the right to be safe.
· You have the right to love and be loved.
· You have the right to be treated with respect.
· You have the right to be human - NOT PERFECT.
· You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
· You have the right to your own privacy.
· You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
· You have the right to earn and control your own money.
· You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life.
· You have the right to make decisions that affect you.
· You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind).
· You have the right to say NO.
· You have the right to make mistakes.
· You have the right NOT to be responsible for other adults’ problems.
· You have the right not to be liked by everyone.
· YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.
· You have the right to be you.
· You have the right to put yourself first.
· You have the right to be safe.
· You have the right to love and be loved.
· You have the right to be treated with respect.
· You have the right to be human - NOT PERFECT.
· You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone.
· You have the right to your own privacy.
· You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously.
· You have the right to earn and control your own money.
· You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life.
· You have the right to make decisions that affect you.
· You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind).
· You have the right to say NO.
· You have the right to make mistakes.
· You have the right NOT to be responsible for other adults’ problems.
· You have the right not to be liked by everyone.
· YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.
And please, above all,
know YOU are loved, for who you are, as a member of a world family.
The resources available
to you, earned from the hard work and tears of ones before you, yes, ~even loss
of life, are invaluable. Use them! Be
safe, and start your life:
SPINNING IN CONTROL!
