silver and gold and green bean casserole

It was the week of Thanksgiving. I'm technically not a newlywed, but sometimes, still feel like one. Either way, holidays are not something I've ever celebrated. So when the 'big day' is with my new in-laws, I was ok to have to work. In fact, I have asked my supervisors to schedule me on holidays. "All of my family is out of state. I don't celebrate holidays, anyway." is what I would say, laugh and walk away. So it was, now the night before Thanksgiving, and my girlfriend said, she was sorry that my daughter and I were not speaking. She had a similar situation. "It's ok." I said, it doesn't bother me anymore. She called me out on it. "Yes, it does! No one can fill that part of your life." Her phone battery died and I continued baking and cooking for my part of a Thanksgiving meal with my in-laws that I would not attend. Vegetables were seasoned and wrapped in foil for family to pick up the next day, and take to the meal my husband would enjoy after working too, but with an earlier finish time. I cleaned the kitchen, watered plants, set my alarm, and drifted off. Unexpectedly, I heard a loud knocking on the door! It was already early daylight, and minutes before my alarm was to sound. I looked at my husband, and already robed, I told him I would get the door. I could hardly believe it! My daughter, whom i hadn't spoken to in years, was at my door! I gasped and was frozen! She said, "Hi! Aren't you going to invite me in?" I did and was so befuddled as she ushered in a sleepy boyfriend and several suitcases, I still didn't know what to do. She understood and picked right up with an explanation. "You know all those years that you worked, and missed holidays with us, I always resented that about you. We grew father apart as time went on, and now that you are halfway across the country, I just gave up on ever having a real relationship with you. But then I thought, it doesn't have to be that way. You said you were moving to slow down, go back to school, so I knew you would have today off. It was a sure thing. No more, "I have to go to work" and my sister and I would be left alone to our own means for holidays with Dad and family, without you. So what do you say? I'm here! Happy Thanksgiving!" She wrapped her arms around me, as we both began to cry. Inside walls fell like Jericho. Her boyfriend had found the dog and was petting it's head and kicking a rug. "Ok!" I exhaled. She stiffened. "You are off today, aren't you?" I turned to my husband, now standing in the hallway, and looked at her 'red eye flight' eyes and smeared mascara. And then . . . . . my alarm went off. I woke up. It was Thanksgiving morning. I had to go to work. I stumbled in the dark, past the dog to silence the alarm. I began gathering clothes. I have been doing this so long, I don't know any other way. Being with my patients has always been my place during holidays. I don't easily let people 'in'. I did move down here to go back to school. I did move to slow down. I turned on the bathroom light and started the shower. I do miss my daughters, and hope they have a blessed day with their family and friends. I turned to close the bathroom door, and then heard a knock at the front door. A loud knock, like someone really wanted me to just stay home today. Happy Thanksgiving Silver and Gold ~Neil Young http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2WNs1FAPeA © ruth follmann